


my lovely you

by tetsurx



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Metaphors, Mutual Pining, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23109163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsurx/pseuds/tetsurx
Summary: "He lives and dies and revives at her mercy and the mischief in her eyes make him dizzy with excitement for the next blow."(or what could have been if Jackie didn't take Kelso back in season 3.Set between S3E18 and S5E01. )
Relationships: Eric Forman & Steven Hyde, Jackie Burkhart & Donna Pinciotti, Jackie Burkhart/Steven Hyde, Steven Hyde & Donna Pinciotti
Comments: 13
Kudos: 75





	my lovely you

The phantom memory of soft lips against his haunt him day to day. It was nice at first, if only bittersweet, but with each fleeting memory of honey dipped tongues and soft cold fingers against his check the more his fingers twitch towards her. He feels it in his chest, each passing day, the sudden loss of what could have been. It is a new kind of sorrow, one he never had interest in meeting, but Hyde came to the conclusion life isn't fair way too many years prior, to be surprised by this outcome. Misery is a childhood friend, but it has never won a wrestling match against him, and it won't start now.

So he tries, really tries, to keep his fingers from twitching, his eyes from wandering, his lips from smiling when she's around. But her skin is flawless like a doll's and she burns, shines brighter than the sun. She's filled with life and promises and cheer like spring and she's sweet like Mrs. Forman's chocolate chip cookies and pudding pops. He longs, waits, lives to see her laugh with a sunlit halo adorning her head, to watch her carelessly dance in the moon as she puffs out smoke off delicate lips. He lives and dies and revives at her mercy and the mischief in her eyes make him dizzy with excitement for the next blow.

He was busy falling through clouds to notice misery sneaking up on him. He should have seen it coming, should have expected the second blow, it was part of their routine after all. But he got careless, too used to the phantom taste of honey to realise they shared a grape pop on top of the white Lincoln. He got used to living in his mind, where she leaned in first and told him he was worthy of love, and misery took the opportunity to remind him of his reality.

"You're such a moron," Donna says amused. She follows the egg from his hand to Kelso's and she can't keep the glee from her eyes. "You're so gonna fail Jackie's test"

"Test? What test?" Kelso throws the egg back, only half listening.

"Okay, I'm not supposed to say anything," Donna's mouth turns down, and Hyde forgets to throw the egg back. "but Jackie's testing you to see if you're ready to get back together," Donna finishes and misery punches him in the gut. 

Misery, misery, misery. What an old unforgiving friend he made back when he was 9 and Bud's usual chair was pawned for booze. Their friendship grew alongside Edna's needle scabs and his sideburn, and it solidified when he was 12 and Eric's laughter made his knees go weak. Their encounters were routine by the time Edna didn't look back as she jumped into a stranger's truck, and Jackie said she didn't feel anything on Veterans Day.

Hyde and Misery. Misery and Hyde. They are old dancing partners waiting for their ever changing favourite song to play for them. He wishes it was always the same old tune to be able to prepare himself, get his most sturdy boots on, so when the toe stepping begins, he can refuge behind fake, cheap leather. But it changes, keeps him guessing, begins playing in the background without a warning, and all he can do is dance along, try to outpace it, create and follow his own beat. So he begins to hum. 

"So what you're saying is, if I break that egg and fail the test, I lose Jackie…" he finds a steady beat "The girl I love more than anything in the world?" he chooses the right tempo "Hyde, give me the egg" and makes his move.

The splash behind him is satisfactory but not as much as Kelso's dumbfounded look. Donna's eyes jump from one to the other and he tries to no to match her amusement and glee. He shouldn't feel like this, shouldn't have played with Kelso's fate to outrun his own tragedy, it wasn't fair for him. But neither was it fair that he dropped Jackie's porcelain heart down a flight of stairs and was willing to put it on the edge again for his own satisfaction. It wasn't fair that he got a second chance once, twice, thrice and Hyde only got half. It wasn't fair that Jackie loved Kelso so much that she refused to take her pink-shaded glasses off around him for even a second. It wasn't fair, none of it was. But life never is, so Hyde doesn't dwell on it.

He lets out a sarcastic "whoops," before laughing alongside Donna until his sides hurt. Kelso storms out the basement without a word and Hyde doesn't spare him a glace. He turns on the tv and relaxes in his chair. Donna looks at him and laughs under her breath.

"You," she sits down on the sofa heavily "are also a moron," she faces him. Hyde raises an eyebrow and turns to look at her questioning. "Could you be more transparent?" he glares at her. She raises an eyebrow back and the corner of her mouth lifts subtly, knowingly. He looks away.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbles, and it sounds weak even to his ears. "I just want Kelso to suffer" he hears Donna sigh.

"Yes, but not just for the kick of it," she says, accuses, and Hyde's jaw clicks. He keeps his eyes trained on the tv, unseeing, and steadies his breathing, even if he wants to heave for air. Donna huffles and leaves the basement without saying goodbye. He sighs.

  
  


* * *

Hyde looks up from the book he was reading when the basement door opens. He was expecting it to be Forman and Fez coming back from vandalizing the Snapping Turtles' locker room, but he makes eye contact with Jackie instead. She smiles at him, small and relaxed and he feels himself returning the smile almost in reflex. He tries to mask the contempt she brings him by taking a thorough look at her outfit. He would never glance twice at her clothes unless there was some cleavage action happening, but she's basically dressed like him and that brings him another type of joy to his core. She's wearing a baby pink dress shirt underneath a deep maroon vest embroidered with flowers. Her belt's buckle is heart shaped and her boots match her eyes. His smile turns into a slow smirk.

"Nice outfit," he drags, eyebrow raised. She looks down at herself, up at him and blinds him with a ten watts smile.

"I know!" She gives him a slow twirl, and hoppes next to him on the sofa. He turns his body towards her, and his chest tingles when she does the same. "You can totally see the Vogue inspiration, right?" she says, excited, and she's so fucking cute Hyde usually forgets how annoyingly dense she can be sometimes.

"Vogue, Jackie? Really?" he stares at her unimpressed and she pouts. Hyde almost has to look away, the image moving too many pieces in their everlasting jenga game, but he soldiers on, focuses his attention back to her outfit. "I literally have the same shirt,"

She gasps, "Oh my god, Hyde!" She hasn't called him Steven since Veterans' Day and it burns him maybe a bit too much for it to be healthy. "Have you been reading the magazines I keep leaving here in case Donna decides to  _ not _ be a lumberjack?" She moves closer to him, excited, and he has the urge to knock the jenga tower off balance if it means touching her no matter how briefly. Instead, he blinks slowly and looks up at her.

"Yes," Hyde wonders where he would have been without sarcasms (he'd probably have better grades, maybe even more friends but where's the fun in that?). Her nose scrunches up momentarily, then her face falls into the utter definition of the word "done". He gives her one of his signature big smiles filled with mockery and she rolls her eyes.

"Don't you get tired of being such a riddle speaking jerk?" she asks him, moving only her face towards the tv. She holds her perky little nose up in the air, with the superiority and royalty Hyde had grown up hating. Sometimes, when the night is young and his stash is gone, he wonders when exactly that hatred became fondness.

“I,” he pauses for dramatic effect, like the asshole he is, “don’t speak in riddles, you’re just dense as a brick,” he finishes with a smile. She rolls her eyes at him again even as the corners of her lips twist up, and his smile tightens. 

She looks ethereal even under the shitty lighting of Forman’s basement. Particles of dust dance around her like flies do around a pile of sugar, and she’s just as sweet. Her shirt doesn’t stick to her small frame for once, instead it wraps around her gently, and her pretty golden earrings shine almost as bright as her eyes. She’s so pretty and she broke his heart and she was about to do it again. He aches to say something, be honest for once, be loud like she was, wear his heart in sleeve like she does. But he’s a coward when it comes to issues of the heart and it’s something he never learned how to outrun.

She looks at him, curiosity dancing in her eyes, and he wonders if his lungs would still feel like they were made of fire if disgust and rejection was added to the mix. He clears his throat, willing the fire to stay underneath his skin, and he looks away from her.

“So, I heard you are thinking about taking Kelso back,” he says, casual like rain in summer. “Why would you do that yourself?” he asks, maybe a bit too real, with a bit too many feelings. Accusatory, disgusted, resenfult. He sees her frown from his peripheral.

“Because I love-” she stops and looks at the floor. She hums. The heavy silence that follows reminds him so much about their date that his heart shields itself behind a metal door just in case a new blow will try to take it down again. He turns to her, looks at her eyes jumping from side to side, as if she were reading a book nobody ever wrote, and he frowns. Worry, insecurity and curiosity cement in the back of his throat and he tries to swallow it all down.

She abruptly looks up at him. Her eyes jump from side to side, up and down, as if she were searching, always searching, for answers to questions only she knows. He wants to answer, wants to know what is the right thing to say, but he’s lost in a sea of maybes and perhaps and could’ve. He wishes she would be as loud about her needs as she is with her wants. His lips tightens, his hand twitches closer to her. They lock eyes and Jackie gasps. Hyde wonders what she saw.

She looks away first, drops her head on the back of the couch, and even if he wanted to look away, his eyes are glued to her.

“I don't love him,” she says to the ceiling. Hyde breathes out for the first time in what feels like months. He drops his head next to hers. “I don't love Michael anymore,” she whispers to herself, “Not like before. Not enough to be with him again,” her body sags with the realization.

She sounds lost but clear headed and Hyde admires how honest she can be with herself. He admires how in tune she is with her feelings, how easily she gives in to her instincts, how she doesn’t run away from the truth lying between herself. He admires her honesty, her bravery, her mind and heart. He looks at her, completely unable to battle against the smile growing in his face. She turns to him, eyes bigger than Mars, and smiles back at him, wobbly, unsure, but content, like she’s suddenly weightless after having a hundred kilograms of lead sitting on top of her chest for months, years, eons. She looks up, breathes out.

**Author's Note:**

> beta'd by the one and only [soddingpotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soddingpotter) ily ♡
> 
> hello fellow shippers, what is popin?
> 
> so this is my first multichap, so be gentle with me please 🥺 i'll update it as i finish the chapters!
> 
> please leave kudos and/or comments 🥺 it not only makes my whole ass day, but it also inspires me to keep writing and posting content ♡♡
> 
> anyway, thanks for reading!


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